Doggy Revolution

©Amar Sneh

The same inferior poorer attitude, the same dirty behaviour and uncouth manners let that be poor illiterate troats or rich educated; let that be from any caste or religion, male or female, often their abusive tongue and repugnant remarks are all derived from the behaviour of dogs’ race. Here is the reaction of dog-community for the pseudo-animal lovers.

When these people show their false pretentious love for the welfare of animals and the world welfare while demonstrating the same on the streets with slogans full of vigor and sprit, it all appears and sound like a hunter trying to lure his prey.  All these people who cry for animal welfare only beat us with canes and shoes, pelt stones and ridicule us and with their intelligent brain, they craft proverbs and phrases on us, like “Go to dogs”; “A dog in manger” and “A stealthy pilferer bitch and guarding sweet-Jalebi”, how mean mentality they exhibit, but now no more we shall tolerate the disgrace, insults and ill-fame of the dog community.

Amar SnehUnder compulsive and forced circumstances the dog community founded a Dog’s Awareness Committee and an International Dogs Forum.

Today the proceedings of reproach convention are in progress. The dog leaders and representatives of all local streets, vicinities, villages and cities are barking their views here. The straight erected tails of these dogs in the meeting reflects the exhibition of their honor and pride. In their barking speech they are criticizing and ridiculing the human race. A self-respectful dog, while delivering his speech went behind the podium and hid his face. He was telling that often in rage these human calls their son as, “son of a bitch”; the history stands as an alibi that never ever this happened, but if at all any dog by mistake would have committed this blunder, still we would have kept quiet,

This is insulting and challenging the clean character of dog’s chastity for human.

 “Shame! Shame!” Was the loud barking reaction from all quarters? Now it was a turn of a very sober and gentle dog. When he narrated his story in very calculative immaculate words, the dog community felt very elevated and proud of their race. “——-Bho—Bho—my dear females, kids and males, we should be happy that these humans are slowly coming nearer and nearer to our community—-one day they would join our race. You know, my friends, that right from the beginning, I am of amorous and fancy natured dog. Most of my life got spent near and around the theater (art performing stage); the fashion shows are normally organized at Pragati Maidan in Delhi; those days are not far when the women folks would join us in adopting our attiring; oh! But they do not even have tails, think what would happen? Once I had an opportunity to witness a beauty contest, where I saw the human females only in panties with a crown on the head and some female was declared Miss World; when similar scenes are seen all around in the parks and on the streets where these human males females, lustfully chase one another freely like what we do, I feel we dogs are so modern that these humans are adopting our courtship so openly. I therefore congratulate this human race for adopting dog-culture and request this dignified august audience from this platform of the forum to accept with big heart and open the floodgates for the enrollment of humans in our prestigious dog-community.     

With this announcement there was a hubbub, confusion, chaos and commotion in the gathering of dogs and a loud negation came forth, “No! —-No! — We would not let it happen —- How can we allow tailless to join our race.”

This proposal was mooted out and it was rejected by the majority. There were several other proposals, which were passed and accepted, while all these proposals are claimed to have been made here on behalf of The International Dogs Forum, Tommy registered his protest with loud barking and said, “How can local issues of local body of local dogs be considered as applicable to International forum?”   

A dog named Kaloo, as his appearance go, looked shabby illiterate assaulted Tommy and groaned, “Hey! Tomia (Tommy), Hey! Foreign bred dog keep your logic in your pocket; here the proceedings will be conducted as per tradition of Indian rituals… do you understand that.

Tommy is a foreign-breed dog. His grandfather’s great-grandfather was brought to India along with some British Officer and then never returned. It is difficult to enlist all those who might have been blessed with their brand of breed by his forefathers during the British rule and who knows where all their offspring must have grown the population of their breed. It is difficult to say the fate of their breed, since there must have been innumerable mixing of breeds. In this regards there might be any number of claims, and assertions of purity, but an ardent claimant can also go wrong. Well! Though there is a stamp of purity on Tommy, like we have Egg Mark on Indian products, still for teasing and ridiculing Tommy, he is always addressed as a foreigner, while purity of his breed is not known.

Despite of the opposition Tommy continued his arguments, but Kaloo and his associates created a hubbub saying, “We shall stall the proceedings. We have already asserted that in our country anything can be international, though its origin might not be local. Where I stay, the place is known as “World Human Welfare Centre” and there are no walls even, except a sign-board is hung on a short pole and you see, that the centre is functioning on international level; the centre receives grants from abroad, the donation are collected from the donors, who all are interested in such services. — In the same lane ahead of this centre, there is a world fame Ramlal Pakodewala (deep fried gram battered savoury seller); his sign board is six feet long while his shop is four feet by three feet, so working will be conducted as per the routine country practice and traditions and we shall not allow foreign working patterns.

The speaker pacified Kaloo and requested him not to interrupt the proceedings of the meeting and also allow Tommy to complete his speech; after a lot of heated exchanges Kaloo stopped barking and so Tommy Sahib continued further—- Tell me! When dogs from other countries do not know and understand the term, “sweet-Jalebi” so how could they comprehend the undercurrent of the saying, “A stealthy pilferer bitch and guarding sweet- Jalebi”? Look! Our local problems are to be solved locally here; we do not have any right to form any opinion and pass any resolution on behalf of International Dogs Forum. Can anything become big and prestigious simply by attaching the word international to it? This is a human tendency and we should not be under such influence.

There is a feeling of discomfort and uneasiness amongst the member dogs in the audience. “Tommy is correct and very logical in his argument”, said Bony, but at the same time does it not that Tommy is trying to divide our dog community? Ok! I understand that sweet-Jalebi and its phrase is Indian, but the entire dog community of the world is one, undivided and united body, so Mr. Tommy your comments have pained and pinched us, replenishing and soothing the hurt feeling is far fetched and difficult”.

Kaloo ceased an opportunity, started shouting and barking slogans, “Hi! Hi Tommy is foe and traitor of the community – Hi — Hi – Tommy —-

Tommy began giving explanation, but none allowed him to speak.

A young bitch, Julie, amorously groaned giving lustful askance at Tommy and said, ”Tommy sahib, give up your argument now, let us think — under this pretext foreign dogs would be exposed to our sweet-Jalebi and our philosophy and it also shall reach out internationally; it may prove to be better opportunity for our industrialist to earn foreign exchange by exporting sweet-Jalebi, but there is a doubt and fear that the Chinese may take over the export by giving better and purer quality at less than one third the price of our merchants and our crooks profiteer businessman would have a tough time competing.

A shabby dog, Gullu, from a dirty lane of low locality got fed up of hearing stories of sweet-Jalebi, which had already watered his mouth and with leaking saliva he said, “Do not think that I am an ordinary dog; I am born in the lane of that great leader, who won the last election from my locality; though once he got elected the leader never returned to the lane, but till date nook and corner and every inch of that lane remembers the leader with tearful remorse eyes, especially the drainage, which is in shambled state; it is broken and spouts the dirt like fountain and the trash bin, which is left only with bottom and thus the entire lane has turned into trashcan. When he would return seeking votes for the next election and the residents would question him, he would very apologetically surrender and pretend to have repented for the absentia; people would pardon his crocodile tears. You all, our leaders are repetitively uttering and mentioning sweet-Jalebi—– Is it like leader of my lane —-it seems—-

Kaloo battered him, “Hey! Gullu — do you think that we are leaders of the dirty lane or what? — We are national leaders.

Hey! Kaoolua just don’t babble rubbish, our leader of the lane is also very great, who has wiped off the differences and distinctions between human and other animals; on the contrary we should be thankful and obliged to him; gentle-dogs, where from the trashcan I eat, there even hungry human search food and eat. 

Kaloo remarked ironically, “if this is so, you should have brought him here along with you; we would have honoured him by singing songs in his praises.”

The speaker again intervened and requested that they should stop arguing and quarrelling and stick on to the agenda for which the meeting is convened.

Honorable speaker sir, I am seconding the proposal raised by a great dog from a low category. It would be very appropriate and justified to make this insignificant issue an International one like the human politicians do on the strength of the vote bank. They follow and adopt the same tricks of political tradition. My followers and I have been dreaming ever since we are born and brought up here that the dogs from all over the world should bite, plucking out flesh, clawing and tearing these people born here and eradicate them completely so much so that their existence ceases here, which would console our souls.

Most of the dogs have shown their appreciation by barking aloud at the top of their pitch of barking. Tommy could not withstand and tolerated this. In rage he barked and shouted,” Keep barking you all fools – well! Continue barking aloud – you nasty fellows.

One of the barking dogs passed a nasty comment, “Hey you son of foreign-bred dog, tell us the purpose of your barking.”

Tommy became enraged passionately, but soon controlled his rage and said, “You dogs, why do you want my explanation, better ask the human politician as what is the meaning of barking”

Bitch, Julie, in a teasing askance looked at Tommy with mischievous big eyes and said, “Look here Tommy Sahib, these human politicians are very crook, if they throw the ball back in our court saying that they have learnt barking from we dogs—then what?” 

Oh! Then this is a matter of pride for us, but confident barking of public in general is matchless, so Julie darling you said what? If they reverse the comment that they learnt barking from us, we shall immediately retort that we learnt making non-issue base matter into a big issue from them.

Kaloo with his admirer and supporter were displeased with Tommy’s speech and they started barking and creating unrest in the auditorium, more so they disapproved a remark of Tommy when he reacted at this muddle, “Do you know—what is it called by the humans—they say—you have gnawed and nibbled the meeting like dogs.” At this remark the opposition part dogs began rumbling and grumbling, “Tommy should take back his barking, else we shall not spare him and his supporters and we shall hold Tommy responsible if our members attack them and pull them in the bloodbath.

How could have Tommy spared them; he reacted, “I am principal oriented, though you might keep calling me a foreign-bred, but tell me who is a pure native-breed here? —- I feel bursting in laughter, even when the thought of the claims of purity of high-clans, caste, breed, pedigree are made here. In the modern times a DNA test of the existing generation will reveal the truth and let the cat out of the bag; I have learnt and understood all this in the company of humans.

This comment of Tommy proved adding fuel to the fire and fanned the flame further, the meeting turned into chaotic fish-market, abuses, derogative remarks, reveling the weakness and secrets of one another, pelting whatever was available on the opposition party members, shouting slogans, physical assaults, ransacking and plundering the place; all in all the meeting turned violent, frenzy and there was big muddle and confusion. The speaker seemed very helpless, since the house was in hostility, in the end the speaker said that if this situation persists, he would walk out of the house. Unimportant issues are gaining unnecessary undue weight and the real issues are all forgotten and sidetracked. Tommy is thinking how to control and make them understand, since minute after minute they are making a prestige issue of the foolish, irrelevant speeches and remarks.

The situation has worsened. At that very moment, gathering courage, the organizer, Sheri bitch, stepped in and began making an appeal in a very commanding voice, “My dear respected dogs and bitches, it is my humble request to you, not to follow human politician’s behaviour in the national parliament. It is sure that most of you must have witnessed the proceedings of parliament on TV channels, besides the influence of your local lanes and streets are seen here, where humans of varied natures, religions, castes, communities, and follower of the political views of so many varied political parties. I know, this is circumstantial compulsions on you to stay on with them there and their influence on you is inevitable.

Slowly the house became quite and regained order.

—- You all sit down please! —- Thank you—– I know that you have learnt many things from verbatim likes parrots —- You all have adopted thinking and behaviour from the humans. As a matter of fact, I organized this congregation not to put up the show of your caste and breed; even not to show your individual strength and intimidation, nor to express your supremacy of your expertise of bad-words vocabulary, nor even to prove the biting strength and reach the height of madness so as to form basis of vote bank—- I have not organized it like the human competing and debating the very constitution—– what were our real issues and where we have gone—–

Kaloo had not even regained his normal breathing, yet in a loud bark said, “Oh! Madam! Is it not called a true freedom and democracy? This is a generous and liberal feature of freedom. We all are in the ambit of politics, so do not try to teach us.

Sheri in a low consoling bark said, “See what was our main viewpoint for the discussion here and we all went on with altogether different viewpoints—-“

Kaloo interrupted Sheri and agonizingly said, “In democracy one viewpoint give birth to another viewpoints, like a dog give birth to another dogs; I say community is supreme and everybody shall have to accept its persuasions and standpoints; those who would not accept them, they shall be expelled from the lanes, town and the country – say Tommy, Tifnia, Pedro Hi —Hi —Hi-Hi …

The controlled situation again began going out of control; Sheri did not loose heart; she took the bull by the horns; she again displayed her courage saying, “Listen folks —- shouting in sharp loud bark she said –Listen to me—-turning at Kaloo in rage, ironically she said, “Kalooji, I shall be much obliged if I am allowed to speak.”

Kaloo at once retorted, “You may continue your speech, but have courage to digest speeches and ideas of others. I have heard that the debates on social issues only enhance the dignity, beauty and grace of socialism —

— But on one hand you urge for the unity of International Dogs Forum and on the other hand you are ready to fight tooth and nail with local dogs.

—- My community is getting divided and do you think that we leaders will keep only watching it from a distance?

—Tommy got so disgusted and irritated that he banged his head against wall, “What community and where it got divided? —- What nonsense this fellow is babbling —-

— Hey! Bloody son of foreign-breed –You say I am babbling— hey! Say that I am giving my speech and casting my opinions –Just learn the language of political leaders and always attend the meeting after a good rehearsal and practice of political terminology— you see! Patriotism is not a joke—- Speaker sir—Listen carefully – I am giving my last warning or say proclamation— till Tommy does not apologize in front of this august house, we shall not let the proceedings go on here.

— Hey what apology? And for what reason? — God knows what rote-learning he is uttering— We have come here to discuss our problems—unnecessary he is harping repeatedly on patriotism, democracy, socialism and secularism. Do you know those who indulge in all such things do not have basic etiquettes and manners? — It seems and appears that you are sadly influenced by human tendency, mentality and attitude of rote-learning. I feel this fellow’s breaks have failed and even his handle seems loose.

—-This is a grievous offence and insult of patriots and patriotism—– Hey my brothers, dogs and bitches—time has come to punish Tommy and his followers severely for this insult – Join me to say – Damnation –shame! Shame! Hey! Tommy, Tifnia, Pedro Hi —Hi —Hi-Hi …

Thank god there are no mikes, furniture and files; else these dogs would have used them like their weapons. Tommy and his followers realized that they are caught in a wasp’s nest; they began to sneak and run away from this hostility. In this hubbub, uproar and clamor lady organizer Sheri is brutally injured. In the middle of this fierce fighting, pregnant Chamiya is looking out a safe place for her delivery, but when she could not find a suitable place she delivered puppies in the middle of this battle ground.

A constant announcement of cease-fire is heard from Kaloo’s platoon. Slowly everything became quiet. There were some whispers amongst Kaloo’s followers. Seeing Kaloo so quiet and composed, other dogs asked him the reason for his state; smilingly with utmost pleasure he proclaimed, “Listen Speaker sir and also the opposition leaders that this is an occasion of joy, pleasure and pride for the entire dog community of the world that I am fortunate enough to be a proud father twelfth time today—these puppies are born here on revolution-square, so you all should accept them as your nation leader from this moment. I am very much confident and I have a full faith that in coming years all these puppies would grow revolutionaries like me.

Newly born puppies’ mother, Champiya, came and stood before Kaloo and said, “—Do not be over smart —- you got support of some dogs here and you lost mental balance and that you are so puffed up with air of leadership, but you exhibit the same hollowness, dual attitude like these human politicians —–same trends and traits like them—-just following the same suit of dirty self-centered  behavior of the humans, they simply shout slogans of animal welfare and pretend to be saviors of humankind. Just think for small piece of bread, we have to tolerate their ill treatment; they cane us, kick us and abuse us; let them at least experience canning and kicking hundred times in a day—-calling themselves humans. The conditions and circumstances we dogs face here in this country, poor and weaker sections face and undergo the same and they are not even considered as humans, they are treated like us. ——No! I shall not stay here in the localities of human —– I shall take my kids away from this human influence. I shall learn the traits of jungle myself and teach the same to my kids —- It is better to die there once rather than living a life tolerating insults and humiliation every minute here.

        Everybody was shocked and amazed at Champiya’s this courageous feat. How suddenly the sparks of revolt outburst from such a weak, poor, shying Champiya? How the strong desire of revolutionary explosion erupted in her? It seems she did not accept dying her small deaths of everyday, but must have kept her suffering stored and preserved till this point of outburst.

(Translated in Marathi and English and The Dramatic version staged by Theater Lab. under the direction of author Amar Sneh. The published story is translated by D. Dhananjay.) 


One thought on “Doggy Revolution

  1. आपका व्यंग Doggy Revolution बहुत ही मनोरंजक एवं अर्थ पूर्ण है.. आपकी शैली बहुत ही प्रभावी है.. आपके विचारों का सम्मान करते हुए बधाई देता हूँ…

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